Cringeworthy Reading

I was looking through the boxes under my bed for the power converter as I travel to Boston on Monday for a week of training on a new system being introduced at work. While searching for the second of my plugs I just happened to open the largest box (which happens to be filled with the most incredible collection of junk I have ever seen) I found one thing that I have carried with me since my early teens, the first ever original manuscript I wrote.

I was fourteen when I first tried my hand at writing something full length and completely original (admittedly at this point I had never heard of fanfiction). The story tracks a brief period of time for a teenage girl and her older male admirer (no, it is not Lolita). Reading through it when I wrote it I thought that it was amazing, I was incredibly proud of this novel that ended up being over 75000 words long. Reading through what I wrote now, I am horrified by the appalling use of repetition and the word 'alright' (also my use of to and too was not the best). My character development is virtually non-existent and the plot is invisible. To put it bluntly it is as badly written as some published novels which will remain nameless but unlike the authors of those particular novels I would never have the balls to submit to a publisher.

Anyway, reading through this I realised that in my youth (which sometimes seems as though it is an eternity ago) I had a lot more courage with regards my writing ability than I do now. This has to change. I need to seriously get back in the right frame of mind to put something together that's original. Perhaps I could maybe do something with this story, rip it apart, reform the characters, use the base storyline (a girl who is out to find out who her mother is and why she abandoned her) to form a well-rounded novel with formed characters and a proper plot. Unfortunately I wrote this novel with the mind of the teenager that I was, and things that were acceptable (both use of language and grammar) are flashing like neon lights and I want to fling the whole thing on a fire. I know that if I followed through on this impulse then I would be hit with festering regret sooner rather than later, so for now Darryl Murphy and Tobie Madden will stay where they are but one day I will pull the whole thing apart with the aid of post-it notes, green highlighter and a very very big pot of strong coffee.